Why I Let My Wife Control My Sports Betting Account

“Babe, we need to talk.” My wife looked at me the way she does when she is waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop. I have seen that look a few times in our marriage, usually after I start the conversation with the words “Babe, we need to talk.” This time, however, the news wouldn’t be bad for anyone but me, for I had completely and totally blown up my gambling bankroll.

The realization that I had no money to gamble broke my heart. You see, dear friend, I love to gamble. It is my favorite hobby. I have experienced the feeling of staggering back to my hotel room at 5:00 a.m. after a full night of blackjack. I have a group text with some friends that revolves around sports wagering. This awful curse began in my early 20s when I put my first quarter in a slot machine. Yes, dear friend, I am indeed old enough to remember the ring of real coins coming out of a slot machine. When I put the quarter in and pulled the arm, out spit $20. From that point I was hooked. Coming in third in a poker tournament and winning five figures in Vegas has further fueled my love of the game.

Some of my fondest memories are of nights gambling with friends. The night I met my wife, who will hereinafter be referred to as Mrs. Fade, we ended up at a local casino playing slots (somehow, she still fell in love with me). I have had huge wins and devastating losses, none of which has dampened my love of chips, cards, and spreads.

At some point, I got the bright idea that I could turn my love of gambling into a regular income stream, and someday retire from my job and become a full-time gambler. I know, it is far-fetched. As my sister-in-law once told my brother, “that’s a stupid dream.” But I was determined to be successful.

I started doing my research. I learned about bankroll management, which seemed easy enough. I tried various systems for picking winners. I didn’t even get scared when I learned you needed “to math” to have any success in this arena. You see, dear friend, I hate math with a passion. I took one math class in college and have avoided the subject as much as possible. But I dug in and learned about probability, expected value, closing line value, and variance, all terms that were once “all Greek to me,” but of which I now had a basic understanding. It was a frustrating process. I can’t count the number of times I rage-quit and requested to be banned from sports betting webpages, ultimately requiring me to ask Mrs. Fade to open accounts in her name for my use.

Over time, I developed a system that seemed to be working. I was hitting on 75% of my picks and had a nice return on my initial investment. One afternoon, I played three early games and hit on every one. 100% hit rate for the day. I was “cooking” as the kids say. I, however, forgot about the cardinal rule of gambling: “stay humble or you will be humbled.”

And humbled I was, as the gambling gods quickly reminded me of why it is called “March Madness.” You see, a game had caught my eye, as Boise State with a record of 20-11 was playing lowly San Jose State with a record of 9-23. My book gave Boise State a 90% chance of winning.

“Easy Money,” I thought to myself. I was so cocky that I took Boise State -15.5, meaning Boise State would have to win by 16 points for me to win the bet. “Easy money,” I thought to myself again as I put a substantial wager on this bet without researching the game at all as I settled in to watch the Broncos take care of business.

Somebody took care of business, but it was not Boise State. It was San Jose State. About midway through the second half I thought, “uh oh,” as the Spartans’ lead grew larger with every passing minute. I immediately started searching for another game where I could make back my losses. One stupidly large bet later and I was staring at Mrs. Fade’s name with $15 next to it. I had blown my entire bankroll.

My mind began to spiral. What would I do now? I was just to the point where wagering was starting to make sense. Was all that work for nothing? Finally, I realized what I had to do - I had to talk to Mrs. Fade. Mrs. Fade is an amazing woman who is very patient with my “dreams.” She has allowed me to indulge in my gambling dreams, and has even given me pointers on avoiding the wrath of the gambling gods. I knew that I had one more chance to make my dreams come true and I had to protect myself from myself.

As we lay next to each other in bed, I finally worked up the nerve and opened my mouth. “Babe, we need to talk. I made some bad bets and blew up my betting account. If I don’t get more money, I will have to retire,” I said. Her response surprised me. “Ok,” was all she said. Should I press my luck? Well, I am a gambler, so of course I did. “Do you think I can borrow some money from our savings? I promise to pay it back.” Her next answer surprised me even more. “How much are we talking?” Did my ears deceive me? Was my dream not dead after all?

I gave her the number, and she agreed. I then said something that drew a look from her that made me feel like I had 6 eyes. “You know that betting account I have in your name? I’m going to need you to change the password and not give it to me.” She asked how that would work. I explained that I needed the extra guardrail to keep myself from chasing losses, and that every time I wanted to make a wager I would give the information for her and she would place it for me. Although I could tell she thought this was silly, she agreed.

Now, every morning I go to my wife after completing my research and give her the day's picks. Some may find this extremely emasculating, but I feel the opposite. I find it refreshing that I have someone that loves me so much that they will take time out of their busy day to support me in my journey. I feel blessed to be married to a woman that I can be honest with about my struggles and weaknesses without fear. Thank you, Mrs. Fade!