You're So Hot.

"Oh, you're so hot."

These were the words that I heard from many dates in my past, before I married, and they made me feel uncomfortable.

These words were often followed by "I can't wait to get you in the bedroom."

I understand that many people use these words as a form of flirting, and often, they are used without the intention to offend. However, when the person you are dating or getting to know tells you to stop because you are making them uncomfortable, you should stop out of pure respect.

It did not matter who I was dating; they always questioned me if I asked them to stop. I should not have had to endure this interrogation simply because a statement made me feel uncomfortable;

They should have just stopped without questioning me.

Such statements make me feel as if you are only dating me for sex, or just because you want a good woman to partner with to bolster your ego.

Human beings are not toys, no matter how you identify.

I used to go out a lot before I endured trauma. I loved dancing more than drinking, and I would dress up for the occasion.

These were for my sole enjoyment, not to be picked up for sex.

Of course, I enjoyed dancing and having a laugh with many people. I loved socialising and making friends during this time. I did not mind men or women finding me attractive or complimenting me on my looks. I often felt good about it because, as someone with low self-esteem, it bolstered my confidence.

I did not like being told I looked 'hot,' because those words insinuated that was all you were interested in me for.

I liked being told that you liked my makeup, hair, or clothes, and compliments on my dancing (of which I got many!)

I also enjoyed talking about the music, hobbies, and interests, because those things let me know that you were interested in me as a person, and not just my looks.

I am not saying that you shouldn't compliment the person you are dating, or are interested in.

I am saying that there are more interesting things about the woman or man whom you fancy than just her body.

Looks can be attractive, but they are not everything. That man or woman you have taken an interest in may have more than meets the eye, and sex should never come into a first date straightaway anyway.

There might be people in the world who enjoy being told that they are hot, or even sexy. Whilst this might be the case, please think before you speak.

We are not all the same.

Some people prefer you to focus on aspects of their personality which are more important than looks

Everybody notices people in different ways, and even though you might notice looks first, you may come across someone who might not appreciate that.

Some might prefer that you become attracted via personality, though you might not know that straight away.

This is one good reason to avoid the "You're so hot," chat-up line when you first speak to a person, especially on a first date.

Look, I'm not saying you should second-guess everything that you want to say to the person you have taken an interest in, but the things you are interested in might not be the things that person may find attractive in the first place, and what might be a turn-on to one person may be a turn-off to the next person.

When chatting up a person, regardless of who they are, please do it respectfully and stop if the person you're interested in tells you to.

It pays to be respectful.

Disrespect is an instant turn-off.