PACO Calling TACO - 11

This conversation happened on March 27, 2026, after Putin came out of hiding for a closed-door meeting with Russian oligarchs to raise money for his war against Ukraine and Trump announced that he is delaying planned strikes on Iranian energy infrastructure for 10 days, pushing the deadline to April 6, 2026.

"Hello, Donnie?"

"Hi, Vlad. You're calling me! Have you come out of your hiding?"

"I was never in hiding, Donnie. Just living my life. But today, I did go to the RSPP."

"RS...what?"

"RSPP, Donnie, Russian Union of Industrialists and Entrepreneurs. It's like an association of Russian oligarchs."

"Oh really? How big is it?"

"Big enough."

"Enough for what?"

"To buy a country, if they wanted to."

"Oh wow, I would so much like to meet them all!"

"You had a chance to meet at least some of them at Davos."

"Yeah, I had a different agenda for Davos this year."

"I remember. Anyway, I had a really good meeting with my oligarchs today."

"What are they giving you?"

"How do you know they'd be giving me anything?"

"Why else would you summon them?"

"True. They are getting richer because they found a way to make money even under sanctions. So I called them in for their donations."

"Donations for what? Your political campaign? I thought you don't need to run in elections anymore."

"And I don't, at least for awhile. I need donations to continue my special operation."

"Which special operation?"

"In Ukraine. I need money to continue wearing them out and winning."

"But I thought you were ready to end the war in Ukraine, Vlad."

"As ready as you are ready to end your war in Iran, Donnie."

"Oh, I'm very close to winning there. Nobody’s ever seen anything like what we're doing in the Middle East with Iran."

"Sure, Donnie."

"And I am going to stop this war with Iran, Vlad. They are negotiating, by the way, and they want to make a deal so badly, but they're afraid to say it because they figure they'll be killed by their own people. They're also afraid they'll be killed by us."

"Sure, Donnie, if you wanna think so."

"What do you mean, if I wanna think so? Are you saying it's not true?"

"Just because you want it to be true it does not mean it is, Donnie. You can't manifest everything."

"Oh, but I can, Vlad."

"Not in this case, Donnie. Iran is not Venezuela, they are much more powerful and have more resources."

"I heard you are contributing to those resources, Vlad."

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you sending your drones and ammunition to Iran?"

"First of all, these are not my drones. It's Iran's technology. We just make them for them now. And second, yes, I'm sending them their own drones."

"Why, Vlad, why? You need to stop this."

"Iran's my friend and partner, Donnie. Besides, as I said, I'm making their own drones for them."

"But it's a failing country, Vlad! They'll lose this war to me anyway. Besides, they don't have a real leader now. There's never been a head of a country that wanted that job less than being the head of Iran. I listen to some of the things they say, hear them very clearly. They say, I don't want it. We'd like to make you the next Supreme Leader. No, thank you. I don't want it."

"C'mon, Donnie, don't give this CPAC BS to me. Iran is alive and well, and they have their new Ayatollah already."

"Did you hear he is gay, Vlad? Apparently, no one respects him because he is gay. No surprise there, it's such a conservative society."

"Oh c'mon, Donnie, why do you have to gossip like a girl?"

"It's not gossip, Vlad. I was told even his own father, Khamenei, believed that he was too gay to run the country."

"I can't even with you, Donnie. I wanted to share the good news with you and you have to dump this gossip on me."

"Which good news, Vlad?"

"My oligarchs are going to give me the money to continue my fight in Ukraine, so I guess there will be no peace talks."

"Can't you at least pretend like you are negotiating, Vlad?"

"Like you pretend that Iran is negotiating with you?"

"Ok, then we both continue doing what we are doing and just see what happens, right?"

"As you wish, Donnie. Bye for now!"

"Bye, Vlad." After hanging up, "He is becoming impossible to deal with."